Cakes

The bird in the nest.

They say having many children is a blessing because the probability of one staying behind is higher.

So Sara is the bird in the nest; but not for long.

Soon she will leave the nest too.

Ask me what I will miss most.

It's her doing her stints in the kitchen as she loves baking and making ice cream.

I still recall when I first actually scorned at her ambitious dreams as I was not keen in the mess and the waste she might create.

How very wrong was I.

Today we rely on her to provide cakes for special occasions; birthdays, weddings, full moon celebration or even just any occasion.

She is deft with her fingers and dreams come true under them.

 My last birthday cake in March.

She said she needed to remind me that I was fortunate to have 3 daughters and she made herself look the best.

That was a chocolate cake.

 That's Emily's cake.

Sara took hours to prepare it and make it look real good for she adores her little niece.

I teased her and asked her to have her own.

 Grand dad celebrated his 96/97 birthday last month.

She coined those flowers; splendid and majestic. That made the grandparents super proud of their grand girl. We were amazed at her creativity.

Just a couple of weeks ago, she had a special order. To make a cake for a friend's father.

Look at her creation again.

Isaiah 46 : 4 rings;  Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am He who will sustain you.

She is a good deviation from the mountains of challenges in life.

You are proud of her tenacity to complete a task when assigned.

She has said she will bake her own wedding cake.

We will see the best to come.

Retirees

They say retirement is just another phase of life.

That all you have to do is to get used to a new lifestyle and new activities.

Actually, I strongly believe NOW that retirement needs some form of planning. That one cannot just retire in the hope that you will get used to it. There is a need to fill the day with hobbies that you really enjoy or even a routine that involves meaningful engagement with people.

When you are younger it is easier as you are mobile and may be more acclimatised to the media and technology savvy games, puzzles and of course the many forms of media communication.
Reading is fun-filled but when you suffer from long-sightedness it can be a challenge to read through the prints. When reading is hampered physically it can take the joy out of you.

Well, of course the box is the next most casual and easy form of entertainment. You must consciously learn the good and avoid the evil in the moral lessons imparted through the Korean and Taiwanese series. My mother of 90 will always grunt at the bad attitudes of characters and despite her many criticisms she would still get glued to the shows. Her next best fun activity is to use the phone. She would be calling all her children to ask the usual questions: what are you doing, have you eaten, what did you eat, when are you coming to see us...next she would be calling her friends to ask about their well being...positive.

My father with nothing much to do would read the papers from page to page savoring in on anything that catches his attention, rekindles the past, and talk about taxes, gst and the like. How he detests the formalities and how they have taken the interest out of his life. But today while I was with him, I took him to the shop and accompanied him in his favourite hobby.

He took out his tools and dabbled with craft. He started repairing rings, bracelets and was completely happy. The poor man missed his routine. That activity took half a day and that was good enough for him. He achieved something for the day. He has to dismiss this hobby soon. The craftsman of old surely has to call it a day.

What did I do? A retiree too.

Well, it is strange that at my age I have still the opportunity to have bonding time with my parents. Surely God is merciful and gracious.

So, I too did my favourite hobby. I decided that I should sew. I went to the fabric outlets in town, found a few pieces of cotton material and cut. I cut and sewed 2 sets of pajamas for my mother and a blouse for myself. It is exciting to see the finished products and the best part is to be able to converse with them while I did the sewing.

 Cutting and stitching them in a day was a challenge. As my stay was short, I needed to complete what I had embarked on. However challenging it was, my excitement over took it and I did not rest till I completed the task in a day.

 There, I surely am proud of myself. Mother does not like anything off the peg. She is adamant that the pajamas be sewed according to her specific needs and measurements. I suppose taste and old habits die hard and it was no too difficult to please her.

 Then I also pampered myself and stitched a simple and practical blouse.

 Dad always say I am old fashioned and seldom detour away from that kind of look.

 Well, I am sure I will be comfortable in it.

But the best memory is of little Emily.

She has been away a month and I miss the baby sounds she makes .

Well. is it true that I should babysit too?

Retirement.

Painful

Today is painful.

Dad left me at TBS, the terminal that coaches send people to destinations. I was surprised that it was relatively packed as the festive season was over and I would expect the terminal to be clearer. I suppose Malaysians are getting wiser now as they have chosen to spread out the holidays and travel on easier days. Races from all walks of life ranging from toddlers to the aged thronged the terminal for destinations. There were pockets of foreigners here and there making plans to travel around the country too.
TBS is a pride of Malaysia. I simply am proud to be associated with the well-kept premises, the ticketing counters, the security and the well-behaved passengers. That's what a nation should aim at; to have proper set ups for its people and visitors. Life is made good by appropriate planning and dispense. Malaysia has always been the pride of her people with good education and virtuous attitudes and values. Have we grown for better or worst?

So, I trudged into the coach for the town of my birth. I needed to make a trip to see the old folks again. They are in the 90s and still mentally alert and quick in making decisions and plans but physically challenged. Who wouldn't be at that age? The physical set backs have locked and changed many plans. Even if they try to be mobile, age has it that it is not possible. Surely the spirit is willing but the body is weak. Surely, they have to give in to the challenge and accept realities in life.

I arrived at noon and my usual practice is to walk to my parents' shop nearby the coach terminal, ease myself and have my favorite plate of noodles! But today was different for I know it's never the same again. I know I will not be greeted by the usual. I know the doors of the shop will be shut and the usual faces not there. It's a real sad feeling and I am not ashamed to admit that I wept. Wept because I will miss being with my parents in sales. I do recall the good times when we retailed and had fun in the bargain sessions. It had been business as usual for a good many decades.

But this is not business as usual anymore.

I hate to admit it but the doors have to be finally sealed. Sealed in the wake of GST and its demands and also the threat of evil ones. My folks are hard workers and love the routine in retail and rest. But there are rogues who watch them and threaten harm. So they have to leave for safety too. Circumstances drive them to quit. What a sad state of affair. If one quits as a consequence of illness it's easier to take it in. But when one is forced to quit for other external factors, it is painful.

But sadder still is when you are not prepared for full retirement. Partial retirement is a best practice when one does a little and follows a routine for a part of the day. So there is a routine, rest and fun. It gives the aged reason to go on and be active mentally. If you are technology savvy it is better still for the media will keep you busy. But a person in the 90s has only the papers to fill the day. So, it is not surprising to see them lament in boredom and lack of activity. So, the children are also saddened to see them in this state. We can only do our little bit to be around them as much as we can.

It also takes time for me to accept a new scenario seeing  my father doing nothing and he meddling with the phone book, the sports channel and whatever his hands can get at. My siblings and I do need to sit around to organise activities for the days to come. But with a grateful heart, we can only thank God for their health and ability to adapt. God help them to adapt as well as possible, we pray.

Our daily prayer is that God keep them safe and well; never mind about the aborted business.

The Milk

 Breast feeding

 Breast feeding is a mandatory practice in hospitals these days. It is a commendable practice except it was not so highlighted when I had my babies back in the 80s. I must confess my ignorance and failure in helping my daughter in the first few days of the childbirth.
It was a tough decision to make when it came to feeding while waiting for the full flow to come in. The baby cried incessantly from hunger and there was insufficient supply of breast milk.
Emily was lightly jaundiced but enough to undergo photo therapy and in the nursery the nurses had to feed her with formula milk and I was secretly glad. The mother was adamant that it should be full-fledged breast milk; there was always the argument when I suggested that it was acceptable.

But it was truly heart breaking when Emily was fed not through the bottle but tiny cups...imagine a 2 day old baby drinking in that manner. I chose to avoid feeding times as I did not want to witness it.
Coaxing the baby to suckle the mother's breast is a major warfare. The frustration of not being able to get milk must have caused the infant to resist the method. The lactation experts came in to assist and I watched in agony as mother and child fought.
Quietly I observed and recalled days of the past; I was ignorant and dumb then. We followed the trend of formula milk feeding. No fight; just feed and the babies drank. Did I short change them? I must have. But they grew well too? I don't know. I don't want to fight against a losing battle.

So, the confinement time is also learning new practices too. So goes the saying that we learn till old.
As I had never underwent this practice previously, it was with much doubt that I had to listen and follow tales of old. How do we encourage a full flow of milk? Fish and raw papaya.

In Singapore, I had to depend on the neighborhood grocers for help. It was a lonely time and the vendors kept telling me that they do not supply raw papayas. But I could at least get small fresh fishes which I boiled with some ginger. That was the little I could do to quicken a free flow of milk; or did it?

 See the fishes on the left? By the way I added anchovies to make it happen even more ? They told me anything fishy will do fine. When back in Subang Jaya I scoured for raw papayas, fish bones and added herbs. The confinement lady did a great job in serious stewing ! The doctor mama had to comply albeit against her medical training. She grudgingly drank the fishy soup in compliance to previous success stories. All so that Emily had enough milk.

 That stock of milk is evidence of the good practice? Yes, the milk came in full force so much so that they had to be stored up. It was indeed a pleasure and joy to see the supply of milk so well flowed. It was too much for Emily and the mummy is stocking up for future use or to help some other new mothers. In fact, the stock came in to help another new mother who had a jaundiced baby and it was indeed jubilant to come it to help so timely.

So, would you now believe this practice? If you do, spread the news.

 Another practice.

Not to wash hair as long as you can take in.
To bathe in special herbal concoction mixture in the need to remove as much 'air' as there is and this will prevent arthritis in old age. The herbal mixture needed to be boiled before use. I remembered bathing in such liquid but back then it was all leaves. Today it is made easier and neater through this package. Relatively easy to follow a practice.
However as the consequences of this practice can only be seen much later in life, it is not practised strictly by unbelievers. Did my ward follow? You make the good guess.  Not washing hair?

When the last of the umbilical cord detached from the baby after few days, I asked the mother what to do with it. She said "throw". I also defy the instruction and kept it in a secret place.

So, some sharing of the confinement days if they are helping some readers.

A New Dawn

My greetings to all my Muslim friends, ex students and colleagues.

May the new year bring us good ties of love and friendship ; that we will always remember the days when we confide in one another and saw one another through struggles and challenges in our place of work and daily chores.

 It is nostalgic as we reminisce on the good old days when we exchanged so freely as we are so culturally entwined. 

May this new dawn bring loved ones together in oneness and journey mercies for all travelling home for the family reunion. 

 Selamat Hari Raya

Maaf 

Zahir & Batin

Growing Old

Old is subjective. 

When is one really old?

Is it age, appearance or attitude?

My aging parents are going through another phase of life. Though in reasonably good health they face the dilemma of safety and separation from their children. The children are also facing challenges. Do they leave the old folks on their own and let things run its course? Is it too naive not to allow fears cloud over them?

But how does one expect the old folks to uproot and adapt to a new environment? To leave familiarity and friends behind? Is it worth the effort to uproot? The practical question next is where do they live? With one of the children ? Or on their own?

While best practices are sought after, the impending lessons observed are the following :

• to meddle as little as possible in the lives of the younger generation
• to avoid highly opinionated moments unless opinions are requested
• to be able to adapt to all sorts of characters with light judgement
• to be generous and ready to make others happy too
• being old is not everything; being wanted is better
• create light moments all the time
• self importance is not to be high lighted and less still being demanding
• to accept and admit our physical disadvantages
• if ever one grows monstrous in the quest for dominion, we lose more
• grace is to be practised and practice makes perfect

Growing old needs a lot of skills and self control. It is easier said than done but nevertheless mandatory if we want to lead happy lives in old age. Some go through it with fewer perils; others may find the journey arduous. So it is good to observe and note some best practices. It's never too early to prepare ourselves for the impending journey ahead.

We are still seeking best solutions to my parents' challenges and hopefully our good God will lead us safely through. We are aware of God's reminder; to honour our parents in their old age. It is ultimately God's teachings that we refer to for right behavour. That children are to honour their parents and parents not to frustrate them. May we stay in the abundant guidance of our dear God.

This is a constant reminder :

We also pray for wisdom.

Overstay

Caught red-handed.

Ignorance is surely not bliss.

It has been quite  a while. Much as we enjoyed one another, it was time for the departure. Emily has to return to her birth place. But we were caught unaware. The immigration at Tuas stopped us for committing an offense.  We had little Emily in trouble when we forgot to check her passport. She was only allowed to stay for a maximum of 30 days in Malaysia. We had the notion that it was 90. So, the procedure was done; a formal report was recorded ; we were interrogated and finally given a stern warning before we were allowed to be out of Malaysia.

Little Emily.

The stark realization that we are citizens of different nations. I know I am just being emotional but it is not fun to know that we cannot be officially staying together without proper papers. That we indeed belong to different countries albeit across a bridge only. Only God knows what is best.

I whispered softly into her ears that she was home. That she should get adjusted quickly and be at ease in her apartment. Emily did just that. It was easy leaving her behind with her parents. The environment was stable and right. So, it's goodbye for the moment.

Walking around the island, I pondered over the daily routines of life here. The nation has rules and regulations for the people as well as her leaders. Much seem to be in order and in tandem with responsible living and duties. This must be an attraction of the island. People are willing to live in cramp conditions for the security and right behavior; though I am not sure how creativity is curbed amidst the many yes and no. Life is to be watched and not judged I suppose. You also cannot have the best of everything. Priorities change with times and needs. 

Take this lovely ground for example. Marina Bay Sands has the best man-made representations of fun and relaxation. There's the lovely garden and beautiful floral family, the array of branded goods, the casino, the infinity pool and the arts and creation centre and much more. Daddy said he could walk for hours just admiring the floral and fauna while I uttered that the shops would do me fine.

 The island is coined and kept prim and proper. 

Well, more to probe through in life here with the beginning of my daughter's new venture.