Till It Hurts

I love this.

I must thank  Praba for posting.

My promise to my children

For as long as I live I will always be your parent first and your friend second. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when I have to, because I love you. When you understand that, I will know you have become a responsible adult. You will never find anyone else in your life who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do. If you don't mutter under your breath "I hate you" at least once in your life, I am not doing my job properly.

I wonder how many parents will agree with the above quote; how many express their love to their children in this manner. Is it wrong to show concern in this way? If you have read Amy Chua's prominent account of how she handled her children in "Tiger Mom" you will understand the opinion better. Most who read do not agree with her obsession in " getting things right" in the upbringing of her girls; one unforgettable incident being her finding a piano for her daughters' practice even during family breaks. She would look high and low in hotels, music schools or anywhere so long as there was one for learning. Her determination to make sure that which was needed to make 'things work the way it should' drove her to do the maximum. It worked better for the first girl and not so much for the second. For some children, they cooperate in tandem with the adult's opinion while for others manifestation can result in defiance and you might think you have lost a child.

 I have a confession to make. Compared to dear Amy, I am but a fraction of her devotion to her children. But I did things to my girls which I am very sure caused them to utter 

the three little words. 

I forced the first girl to learn Mandarin in her primary days because I was convinced that it was the right move. Every week I would walk her to a neighbour's house and force the precious words down her throat. Her repulsion for the language was so great that even I, even I, even I gave up. Today she is in Singapore; a place where the language seems to be the lingua of the day. So she has to pick the language colloquially to handle her daily duties. How good it would have been if I had allowed her to hate me and press on. My first regret for not loving her deep enough to want my way.

Why did I force my children to play the piano? In those days, I thought it was only appropriate that girls play the piano. I 'believed' playing the instrument will make them cleverer; they having to understand musical notes in tandem with their fingerings. Was I too old- fashioned? First girl again got the worst from me. How could she fail any grade? She did. I did not let her off. I haunted her and found a teacher who was willing to help her with the last grade; she did accomplish in the end to her gain. When it came to girl number 2, I am sorry to say that the energy level went down a little and she got scot- free; I gave up when she gave up at grade 6. So I must apologise to her for not pursuing the race with her. The lesson learnt must not be repeated for girl number 3. The 3 little words were most used by her on me. She told me she would not make it for the last grade as she had decided that she did not have the right frame of mind for it during her SPM year. There was tuition, debate and prefect duties to perform; the piano was a big burden. I did my duty well this time; I told her I did not mind 'wasting' all my monetary investment on her and even if she failed I would accept it. It was a clash of the titans. Who would win the bet? I put on a brave front and needed to let her know she had to take some of my decisions. She went through and failed by 3 marks. Did I regret? No. It is hers to decide. So what if they had not gone through piano classes? Then I would not have the pleasure of seeing No.1 play in church, No. 2 banging it whenever she feels like it ( but the sounds are musical though) and No. 3 going to the keys and playing for pleasure.

If only I had been more loving; they may have been able to have the edge? No cost; only gain. Indeed we must love till we are hated; then we have really loved and who can take the brunt better than the ever caring mum? I stalk in love. My friends in school who love their sons and daughters insanely all stalk. We stalk to make sure our children are in one piece, that they are protected and that they are fine. Whenever we sense something amiss we go on our knees on their behalf and plead to the merciful one for favour. Deep, genuine loving is painful and it is alright if we are hated for it.

Mothers, agree?