Growing old is not easy.
But I like her as she has that friendly disposition, very often missing in city folks. She did not think I was not quite ready for her confessions and opinions until I seriously looked at her and admit she did share a whole lot of practical truths. The lessons learnt from her years of getting old got into me.
First, she admitted that she must not demand anything more from her 5 sons and 2 daughters who have allowed her to visit them on a rotation basis. She admits that her daughters know her and are close to her and that daughters in law are only there to help build her sons' families and that she must not assume any rights in their obligations to her. "That is reality, that is reality", she ranted away. She is already grateful that there are no unnecessary scenes. She kept reminding herself that she is already fortunate that God has been good to her. She could not ask for more.
Also, she must not try to give too many opinions or complain too much lest she is being avoided by loved ones. Hard knocks indeed.
Second, she asked if I had any grand children and I said I had one. She caused a little anxiety when she related that she had sets of grandchildren; some brought up by her and some not. The ones whom she was the care giver were very much closer to her and called her when they went overseas for studies and visited her when they came back for their holidays. The ones not cared by here were a "hi" and "bye" lot. She felt the difference but did not blame the situation as that was a reality that she had to adhere to. So, Should I be a care giver?
Third, She hails from Bentong, once a rural village and sharing and caring among the villagers were the values she holds dearly. She confesses that it is more difficult in the city as everyone is busy. She is already happy she has met a few of her age and she said she would look for them for a game of mahjong. So, one has to be kept busy to while away time. Time is in your hands especially when you are an octogenarian as though trying not to get into the ways of the younger ones. Redundant? Very sad indeed.
Next, "Aunty, who are staying with you now?" Well only the wife and husband. Children are grown ups and leading their own lives. She quickly associated herself with the position and shared that it is so difficult to prepare meals for two. Growing old also meant she now takes a small portion and that a bowl of noodles is sufficient for her and her spouse. No wonder she was so lean and trim. So, it means service bills are higher than food bills. So, actually there is no need to save, save, save. Spend while you can and whenever you want.
Back home my nonagenarian parents have other issues to deal with.
For one, they have to accept that they no longer have so called friends and buddies who will come to their aid as before. They feel unimportant and no more able to rely on folks who used to aid them. Worst still, there seems to be a lack of respect for them.
Lack of physical mobility discourage them from outdoor activities and boredom has been the call of the day. Occupying themselves is a major issue as they have no other hobbies except reading the papers, watching the box and chatting with ones who pay them visits. Rotational visits to children do not interest them as they dislike being a burden to be chauffeured. They have much pride and want to be on their own but the incessant calls from them also do not reflect their independence. They are fighting hard against loneliness.
Dad used to be so physically fit and mum's great fall three years ago took a toll on her. Yet, they have tried their best to be on their own and leading days as well as they can. Growing old requires skills and accommodations. It is truly not easy.
God protect them, I pray.
